What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

True - how I loved my mum!

Why is the show The Big Bang Theory so hated?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

What has been your best sexual experience?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What is the best way to keep my vagina clean and fresh?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Do you know what she said mum?

What do you mean son?

Some men love anal sex more than vaginal sex. Why?

What! how could you do that?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

How do you know if your husband loves you truly and deeply?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”